Saturday, July 6, 2013

My Spiritual Growth at the Fold

I recognized how faithful God has been in my life and even when my world is falling apart He’s still there reigning over us. >>> The world is a messy place but our foundation is not the mud of this earth, but God’s rock solid strength. People come and go but God will never let you down!

<< I thought about how I would have no hope and no comfort apart from God, and without Jesus’s sacrifice, I would just have to live with guilt and shame. But Jesus endured terrible guilt and shame to keep us close to Him. It’s awesome and intense. You are that important to the God of the universe. >> The part in megamind, where he killed the guy in the beginning and he wasn’t happy even though he had it all. That’s like us → when we think we have it all and we’re fine, but we’re really not. 

I was listening to the song “Beautiful” by Phil Wickam, and I love when he says “I see you there hanging on a tree, you bled and then you rose again for me” → like just thinking about the fact Jesus did that for me and us, I think WOW that is “Beautiful” and then he sings “When we arrive at eternity’s shore, where death is just a memory and tears are no more, we’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring, your bride will come together and we’ll sing you’re beautiful.” I love thinking that when we go to heaven its a big party unlike on Earth when we die it’s sad and a funeral, rying, anger, grieving but in heaven the angles are happy and singing. In Ecc. 7:1 it says “The day you die better than the day you were born” → ha, I believe it 100% because when we were born, we were born into a broken world, but when we die, heaven and Jesus and God also happiness are all waiting for us. I love that idea. I read this story Max Lucado shared about Angels waiting for us in heaven. → “Heaven enjoys a maternity-ward reaction to funerals. Angels watch body burials the same way grandparents monitor delivery-room doors. They can’t wait to see the new arrivals. While we’re mourning at funerals and wearing black, they’re hanging pink and blue streamers and passing out cigars. We don’t grieve when babies enter the world. The hosts of heaven don’t weep when we leave it.” Also → “God searched you out. Before you knew you needed adopting. He’d already filled the papers and selected the wallpaper for your room. → WOW He’s already selected the wallpaper! How awesome is that? It’s like when a mothers pregnant, and she’s so excited for the baby’s arrival that the minute she finds out if it’s a boy or a girl she’s already got it all planned out, what the room will look out, the baby’s name. Like anything can happen during that pregnancy that we don’t know 100% if that baby will even see the room! But we’re so sure, that we have everything ready. It’s like that’s how God is, a pregnant mother waiting for our arrival. “For God knew His people in advance and He chose them to become like His son, so that His son would be the firstborn with many brothers and sisters.” Romans 8:29

Thoughts on what Max Lucado says on the story of Joseph and Mary and how he must have felt when Mary was going to have his baby. I’ll give you clips of what he had to say. → “This isn’t how I planned it God. Not at all. My child being born in a stable?.. This isn’t all what I imagined... This is not the way I wanted my Son oh my, I did it again, didn’t I Father?... He’s not my son.. He’s yours. The child is yours, the plan is yours, the idea is yours. and forgive me for asking but is this how God enters the world? The coming of the angel, I’ve accepted. The questions people asked about the pregnancy, I can tolerate. The trip to Bethlehem, fine. But why a birth in a stable God?..I like to know the plan. I like to see the plan before I begin..the project is yours not mine.” → I need to surrender my life to God and give Him all of me. I need to do as Jeremiah 29:13 says to seek him with all my heart. I want to believe God has an incredible plan for my life. >>> Surrendering your plans to God is really hard, but so freeing because then you don’t have to worry about making things happen a certain way. 

I really want God to write my love story and I’m going to start trusting him more. I’m going to get to know Him better and just fall in love in a deeper way with Him.>>> Even the “struggle” part of it can be really good, as long as you are looking for God’s hand and His plan in the challenges. 

I’ve learned the importance of seeking God first and maturing yourself before going into a relationship and being ready. I also learned to really, truly seek God and love Him first because He is the one who created romance! We’re not ready for a [real]ationship unless he is our first love.

We as people always measure ourselves to the rest of the world. (Who’s all going to HELL) It’s like why would you want to measure yourself against people around you? Jesus isn’t this generation the devil is taking over. (Thats sad!) We need to pray for a husband who’s better than this generation. Pray for him to see Jesus not you! We’re nasty and ugly, Jesus isn’t. Marriage exposes our weaknesses, you want your spouse and kids to see Jesus, not you. We need to allow our vision to be what God intended for us, and then when we catch our vision, our life is changed. God gives us a longing to be loved but He wants that person to be Him. Jeremiah 29:13 “If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” We need to know also that God doesn’t just take things away, He teaches us to use them the right way. It’s hard to give to God if you don’t know Him, because you can’t trust Him. You don’t want Him to use your body unless you know what He’s going to do with it.  → This is why I love to learn more about God and the amazing things He does in different people’s lives, because knowing that helps me trust and love Him more. I read this awesome quote from Ralph Harris “If you’re going to believe Him about Him, you have to believe Him about you.” → Isn’t that awesome? Like why do we believe everything God says about himself and how he says his love is never-ending and many more.. But why not when He talks about us, like we’re beautiful and fully loved. I think that because this world is sooo messed up we get so swept into the lies and believe sooo easily that we’re not worth anything. → It’s like you would think that when we hear something as amazing as “You’re beautiful and I love you no matter what, I’m always here for you.” We would jump on that train and believe that powerful truth. But this generation is so messed up it’s sometimes harder to walk away from the lies, than it is to walk towards the truth. Eric & Leslie said at the conference that “Even if it’s in God’s plan for you to be single your whole life, He’s still writing an amazing love story betweeen you and Him.” → Like God won’t be that humble person who’ll make you single your whole life and not give you something amazing in turn. Thats an amazing God we have. 

Prayer>>> Lord this is the worst struggle yet, I beleive you have something great to work out of this and I honestly feel you giving me a vision of me standing among teens who’s parents have hurt them and have abandoned them, telling them about this trial you have me facing and saying it was hard, but like Job, I didn’t curse you and say it was your fault. I was going through it. But I persevered and kept trusting you, and it was hard but I learned the real meaning of love → Lord I believe this is your will, to show me the real meaning of love and the importance of loving someone when they hurt you over and over again. Lord you know I love my mother and what a joy it brings me when she is on time, but Lord when she doesn’t call, I know thats you giving me the opportunity to pray for her because I don’t do that often. → and I thank you for that opportunity. Same for Abraham, I pray for him and his job. Lord I thank you for all you’ve done and how you have provided for me my whole life. I thank you for my step-dad. You know I love and care about him. I’ve come a long way with my relationship with him and thats only because of you! This is a hard thing to be going through, but I want to trust you. Please reveal to me what you want me to learn through this. I’ve noticed you’ve been revealing James 1 to me, and I’ll meditate on the chapter and see if your trying to tell me something there. I love you. 

Chip gives three steps to healing a wound.
1) Cleanse the wound
Confession and repentance of unresolved anger. 
2) Treat the wound
Extend forgiveness and seek reconciliation. 
3) Bandage the wound
Put the past behind you.
^^ The last one I’m iffy about, a quote I heard goes “You can forgive but you can’t forget” How is that leaving the past behind you? Because that doesn’t seem possible because like Beth Moore says “You can always remember a time when you’ve been hurt.” → It just comes to you. >> This is the tricky kind of stuff that can lurk under the surface and seem “Okay” until something brings it up and old hurts come rushing back. That’s why it is possible to feel entirely okay much of the time but still have a lot of unresolved stuff deep down. Emotions can be a poor gauge of time peace. But stuff coming to the surface is an opportunity to seek God’s will and ask Him for heart-healing. Forgiveness is tricky..especially if the people who hurt you have not apologized. That’s when it’s important to realize that your peace is not dependent on other people’s choices. God wants you to experience healing, joy and peace regardless of circumstances. He is your firm foundation.

God is worth pursuing and He isn’t a God who does bad things to us but a God who loves and is there for us. Pastor Brad says that “If you have the wrong perception of God, you’ll have a hard time receiving Him.” We may know God, but then something happens along the way and it changes how we view God entirely. That breaks my heart for those who are in this position. 

There is a prayer that I love to pray to God and it fits so perfectly with what I’m going through and not knowing what he wants me to do. It goes “O God, I trust you. I don’t know why I’m going through this, if there’s something I can learn wonderful. If there’s something someone else can learn great. Just get me through it. Just hold me close. Deepen me. Change me.” Everytime I pray, this prayer, it gives me this peace and helps me know that God is always with me. 

I thank you for dying for me and I thank you for all the ways you’ve provided for me. Lord I love you and I want to get to know you more and more everyday. Lord thank you for choosing me. I want to believe everything you say about me and all the things I am to you. → I want to not believe the lies people tell me but believe your truth Lord. 

Justin’s talk was on God’s love and I remember him saying “When you’re bitter and you point fingers at somebody and ask them why do I have to suffer because of what you did to me, most of the time that’s us trying to find God’s love.” → so true ! and I know that’s true for my life because I always pointed to the people who caused me wrong and looking back I see that, that was me searching for God’s love. He also said “God’s love is better than anything in our lives, God wants you out of the bad things in life. Do you want the lust of this world to invade your heart? To destroy your life? The key to good life is love and God.” → This is why I got saved because I didn’t want to keep living this life that was leading to destruction and hell and just that small talk that day changed my life forever!
“Savior please, take my hand. I work so hard, I live so fast, this life begins and then it ends. And I do the best that I can but I don’t know how long I’ll last. I try to be so tough, but I’m just not strong enough. I can’t do this alone God I need you to hold onto me. I try to be good enough but I’m nothing without your love, saviour please, keep saving me. Saviour please, help me stand, I fall so hard. I fade so fast. Will you begin, right where I end and be the God of all I am because you’re all that I have. Everything you are to me, is everything I’ll ever need. And I’m learning to believe that I don’t have to prove a thing cause you’re the one who’s saving me.. → This song really touches me. The words..and this one part of the song..”I hear you say my love is over, it’s underneath. It’s inside, it’s in between, the times you doubt me when you can’t feel. The times that you question is this for real. The times you're broken, the times that mend, the times you hate me and the times that you bend. Well my love is over, it’s underneath, it’s inside, it’s in between. The times you’re healing and when you’re heart breaks. The times that you feel like you’ve fallen from grace. The times you’re hurting, the times that you heal, the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal. In times of confusion and chaos and pain, I’m there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame. I’m there through your heartache, I’m there in the storm. My love I will keep you by my power alone. I don’t care where you’ve fallen or where you have been. I’ll never forsake you my love never ends.” → That made me cry because I fail time and time again to recognize God is always there! and as I was meditating on these words and how much God has brought me through, I feel the Lord say Sabrina turn to the other side of the page. And I do and right there at the top it says “He’ll always be there for you.” I just teared up. I was like “Jesus you are awesome and we praise you!” and so as I kept listening to music every song I listened to spoke of what God did for us and who He is. Our comforter and all in all. Or how He is mighty to save. I love being in His presence,like when I just feel Him in the room and how He reveals Himself to me. In Exodus and even Genesis it says so many times to different people “God is with you.” or “Don’t be afraid” and I want to believe that even when I’m in a storm like this song says “I will praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands and you are who you are, no atter where I am. And every tear I cried you hold in your hand, You’ve never left my side.” Casting Crowns. I have to remind myself all the time who God is and how amazing and faithful He’s been. Or the song “Carried to the table” Another reminder that I didn’t deserve to be carried to that table, but He carried me because He loves me. One of my old roommates gave me a quote that goes. “He wants you to know that He has been there too. He knows what it’s like to be plotted against. He knows what it’s like to  be confused. He knows what it’s like to be torn between two desires. And perhaps most of all, He knows what it’s like to beg God to change His mind and to hear God say so gently, but firmly ‘No’ for that is what God said to Jesus. And Jesus accepted the answer. He made His decision. He would rather go to hell for you than to heaven without you.”  

“My heart and my soul, Lord I give you control. Consume me from the inside out. Lord let justice and praise become my embrace to love you from the inside out.”
“Lord don’t allow me to make a mess of my life. Help me glorify you.” 

I am praying for God to give you an overflowing joy that spills over to everyone around you, and a deep love for God that surrenders self and delights in His work in your heart! As long as you are seeking God above all, His heart will shine through you and your life will glorify Him. But the beauty of grace is that even when you mess up (We all do!) God still purses you and purifies you.  (Prayer someone prayed for me..)

I believe God is teaching me to believe the following: You are His beloved, He believes in you. (Romans 1:7) You do not labor in vain (Isaiah 65:23) You will keep going and not grow weary. (Isaiah 40:13) Your soul will be at ease around the storm (Psalm 25:12-13) Surrender your view of things and people, He will give you spiritual eyes. (Psalms 146:8) His covenant of love to you will never, ever fail. (Psalms 89:28)

We learned about who God is and how He never changes → I love that our God is the same forever! He is who he says he is. And just the fact that He doesn’t need us but He wants us makes me fall in love with Him even more. 

Lord, thank you for your all-consuming love and unmoving love. I love that you never change and you’re the same now and forever. Lord I want to forget what the world says about love because I know you and I know you are love and the real meaning of it is in you. Lord I want you to use me to build up your kingdom, the rest of my time at the FOLD, Lord use me, help me find the right words to speak when I minister to others and share my testimony at churches. Lord I love the feeling I get when I’m in your presence, Lord help me not lose sight of how good you’ve been to me and how blessed I am. Like the man said please don’t ever let me question your love because I know that your death on that cross is your amazing love to me. Lord as it says in Proverbs 16 “I may make my own plans but you know the right answer.” Help me seek your will for my life and just try to fit you into my schedule. Help me not be anxious but to find peace in you. Lord forgive me for falling into temptations of this world, help me overcome them and minister to those who are also falling. Thank you again for your grace and love.So during this time I was also reading my bible and I came across Proverbs 19:3 “People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord.” → i know I can agree with this verse! Never knew a verse like this was in the Bible, very good reference to give to people who are/get angry at God over the mistakes they choose to do. 

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